Denial

July. 28

It occurred to me the other day that there are only three months left before you arrive. THREE months! That's it! That's not a lot of time! Not when we're talking about the length of time it will take to finish the kitchen, start and finish the nursery, buy all the stuff we'll need to care for a new born child and get the house ready for your arrival? That's not nearly enough time!

I'll be the first to admit I haven't bought a thing for you. I'm not sure why. One would think that I would be so excited that I wouldn't be able to hold myself back. But every time I think about it I decide to wait just a little bit longer. Part of me, the superstitious side of me, is afraid that if I get too over zealous that I'll jinx myself and lose you all over again. Silly? Maybe, but I'm sure you'll know me well enough by the time you read this to know that I don't out rule any possibilities no matter how odd they are.

The reality of how close you are to arriving sunk in a little deeper and I'm proud to say that I swallowed my fears, made myself a list, called Lisa and went shopping! Don't get overly excited for me just yet though. Shopping for a baby was a little bit, how can I put this?... weird. It was just weird. I kept picking things up that I thought were adorable and then I'd put them back on the shelf thinking to myself "baby clothes? Why am I buying baby clothes?" Knowing fully well why I was buying baby clothes, and yet somehow I was still unsure what I was doing.

Never the less I bought baby clothes! So you will not be naked on the day you are born for too long! Well maybe. I love me a naked baby. But I also bought baby wipes, hats, blankets, cloths, freezer bags for milk, nursing pads, and a health care kit. It occurred to me as I placed the 5 or so outfits that I had chosen on the cashiers counter that my colour choices seemed somewhat oriented towards the male gender. Despite the fact that I was trying to stay gender neutral almost every piece of clothing looked like it might lean more towards a boy baby rather then a girl. I caulked my head to the side and quietly asked Lisa " Um, does it appear as though I might be buying for a boy?" the cashier laughed under her breath and Lisa replied, not so quietly, " uh huh, yup!" to which I replied "Great. OK! so if I have a girl I'll have to buy bows and flowers for her hair" Lisa raised a valid point "what if she doesn't have hair?" crap. "I don't know"

So is that another sign? I'm calling you he and I'm gravitating to clothing coloured with a little boy in mind. And why are baby clothes such bland colours?! There are 5 basic colours you can find for a baby and THAT'S IT! Pastel pink, blue, yellow and green. Is there some unwritten rule somewhere that I am not aware of that states infants are forbidden to wear orange, olive green, brown, red, grey, turquoise, purple, and black? Who makes these rules!? And why do I have to abide by them? When were vibrant colours deemed anti baby? I'm seeing a business opportunity here. Baby clothing for people who are not colour blind. Now I'll just have to learn how to sew.