Hostile Uterine Takeover

Hellooooooooo LAZY! Stop your chilling out in there and start packing your bags! I went to visit Kristin, our midwife, the other day and she felt around for your position only to find that you are just hanging out in there with no real intention on going anywhere.

I need to get your head engaged into the base of my pelvis to get things rolling but you don't seem to think there is any need for urgency. I however am going to crack a pelvis bone if I have to carry you around much longer. I'm just little you know! Well not any more I'm not. Apparently, according to some lovely individuals, I am HUGE! I have grown to despise that word. It is the WORST descriptive word for a pregnant woman I can think of. Every time someone tells me I'm huge I always want to reply "Well I happen to be pregnant, what is your excuse?" But, that's a whole other topic for another day. Let's get back to the topic of your laziness shall we?

I'm told in order to motivate you I have to go on long walks. Except walking for more then 10 minutes sends my lower back into spasms. So I was told to bounce on an exercise ball. Which I did for an hour, which may have worked. Either that, or my entire pelvis swelled for no reason at all. Needless to say, I didn't sleep that night. Dakota, our dog, took care of the nasty ball for me after that. I caught her in the living room attempting to bring it to daddy to play ball with. It is now in your baby crib, safe and sound from sharp K9 teeth, while I attempt to patch up it's wound.

So now I have to find alternate ways of engaging you. Jumping jacks, house work, lifting things, a glass of wine, spicy foods, walking stairs... Can't I just talk you out? It's kind of like a hostage situation. You are holding my body hostage and I want it back! So tell me Monsie, what can I offer you in exchange for my uterus? There has to be something you want!


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