No Sleep, No Time

It's been a while since I've had a chance to write to you. I shouldn't even be doing this now. I really should be sleeping. I've been sick for the past couple of days and should be getting my rest while you sleep but I have so much to say to you and I need to write it down before it's too late and one day you'll be 38 and I'll be wishing I took the time to tell you just how much I adore you.

You are now 9 weeks and 3 days old. You are the most amazing human being I've ever encountered and you never cease to bring me more amazement every day. You've learned how to smile. It started slowly about 3 weeks before Christmas. It almost seemed like it happened by accident. I'm not sure you even knew what you were doing. I was talking to you, as I do every day, and suddenly your lips curled up on either end and your mouth opened wide into a grin. "Did you just smile at me?!" I asked you. And just as quickly as it came it was gone and you had your serious face on again. You're serious face is what you have on most of the time. It's what you look like when you are absorbing as much information as you can.

One day you woke up while sitting in your vibrating chair. I walked up to you, bent over to get closer to your face so you could see me better and asked you if you had a good sleep. Your whole face light up into a grin. Daddy and I spent the next 10 minutes talking to you while you laughed and tossed your arms around. You don't really have much control over them yet. I can honestly say that your smile is the most amazing thing we have ever seen. You daddy tells me often that he lives just to see that smile every day.

I've heard a million mothers tell me that the love you have for your children is like no love you will ever know or ever have for anyone else. I thought I understood what they meant. I didn't even come close to understanding until now. There are millions of people in this world and out of every one of them YOU are by far my favourite. Do you have any idea how huge that is?

You have this wonderful head of hair. I absolutely adore it. It's been my favourite thing since you came home. Every day I run my fingers through it. I used to rub it while you fed and now I rub it while I am putting you to sleep in your crib. As I slowly run my large fingers across your tiny little head I picture myself through out the coming years at different stages of your life where I'm still running my fingers through your hair. It sounds cheesy I know, but one day you'll be bigger, independent and strong. You won't want me touching you in a mothering way. Little boys grow up and they don't want their mother treating them like they're still babies, so every time I touch you I pray that I remember that moment, that time won't erase it, because you are changing so fast and I don't want to know a day when I can't run my fingers through your hair and kiss your forehead. So if you are reading this and you're not bald... you might want to make my day and let me play with your hair and kiss your forehead. Especially if you've been misbehaving... I might let it slide.

Baby Ryleigh

I'm an AUNT! A real aunt! To a beautiful baby girl named Ryleigh.

As you know I was at home when I got the message that Auntie Megan had gone into labor. That was at 9:47 AM. At 3:00 my mother called me to tell me she wasn't waiting for me to call her and was coming to pick me up to take me back to their place for my dad's birthday. But I had been waiting for the call to tell me that I had a niece! I didn't want to leave the house until then. But I didn't argue with my mom or I'd get the huff of impatience in my ear that always makes me feel like a bad daughter. So on her way she was.

At 3:16 I got the call from Uncle Steve. I didn't even let him talk I was so excited. So he might have been willing to tell me at the time if I had a niece or nephew but all I could ask was "Can I come!?" Once I got the ok to visit I was ready to jump in the van and leave, until I realised that my mother was still on her way and of course today of all days she didn't put any minutes on her cell phone. So I had to wait. Again.

I was in the basement checking on the laundry when she finally arrived. I could hear her through the floor boards oddly enough, and ran as fast as I could, baby belly bouncing at my chin, all the way up the stairs, leaped over the hardwood flooring piled up in the kitchen and over the dog to breathlessly yell "THEY HAD THE BABY !" my mother's arms flew up into the air and she yelled back "WHAT IS IT!?" "uh, I don't know!" I replied. I hadn't even bothered to ask!

No time was waisted. We called my dad told him to meet us there, called my grandmother, Memere to tell her we were not picking her up for dinner and we all sped off to the hospital. I drove with my mom because she wanted me to and Daddy drove up by himself because he had to come back home and finish working on the kitchen renovation. You should have seen your grandmother, she was trying to keep it cool but failed miserably. She yelled at every car that drove too slow thus keeping her from getting to her first grand baby. She cussed at the parking lots that were closed on a Saturday thus not allowing her to park closer to the hospital, and she huffed at the automatic door that used to be an entrance turned emergency exit causing us to have to walk further to another door that would allow us entrance into the hospital. She was the first one in the elevator, the first one into the room and the first one to grab the baby out of auntie Megan's arms. And then there was nothing anyone could do to wipe the big dumb grin off of her silly face.

I tried to lean over to give Auntie Megan a kiss but she couldn't move forward due to the fact that she had to have a Cesarean section which left a giant gash in her abdomen and I had a big baby belly that kept getting in the way. My mom walked away with the baby while saying, you were right Kim. Meaning I had niece.

Auntie Megan took no time at all to relay the painful story of Ryleigh's arrival. Auntie Megan, Uncle Steve and Auntie Helen arrived at the hospital late Friday night when Auntie Helen had finally convinced her that she was in labor, but was told she was only 3cm dilated and to go home and wait a little longer. So home she went, where they all jumped into the hot tub to relax and patiently wait it out, only according to Megan that's when her water decided to break, much to the dismay of Uncle Steve who had just cleaned the hot tub. And off they went to the hospital again.

Upon the arrival at the hospital Auntie Megan opted to ease her pain with an epidural which only worked for maybe an hour, so they tried to insert another and that one didn't work. The esthatician continued to try to alleviate her pain by giving her a shot of a narcotic that I can not for the life of me recall the name of, that didn't work. So they tried it again. And once again that didn't work. They say the third time is supposed to be a charm, but not for Megan because once again, it didn't work. The last straw was an oral sedative and even that didn't work.

Your tortured but tough Auntie Megan endured 12 long hours of active labor and NOTHING helped the pain, only to find that little Ryliegh's head was not dropping to the proper position to come out. They tried to turn her head several times. And that's about the time that Auntie Megan started to vomit from exhaustion, discomfort, and over heating. The vomiting caused her stomach muscles to contract, while her uterus was also busy contracting in order to push Ryleigh out, which proved to be too much pressure for little Ryleigh and much to Uncle Steve and Auntie Megan's horror her heart stopped. The mid wife only needed to tickle her head to get it going again but that was enough for Auntie Megan and it was decided that Ryleigh was going to come out a different route. Megan was prepped for the O.R. and Ryleigh was delivered VIA c-section at 12:40 AM August 15th.

An exhausted, sore and hungry Megan sat there on the bed in front of me looking more beautiful then I had ever seen her. She was a mom, and despite all the pain and lack of sleep she had a beautiful grin on her face as she told me it was worth every second. God I love that woman.

My mother of course still had baby Ryleigh in her arms with tears rolling down her cheeks. I had to actually tell her to stop "Bogarting" the baby so I could hold her. The look on her face made me giggle. She looked shocked and a little stressed at the idea of having to let go, but let go she did.

She was so cute. Her face was all puffy and swollen from being stuck in the birthing canal for so long. She had tiny scratches on her face from her long finger nails and a thin red bruise that went from her forehead, down her eye lid and onto her cheek where they must have used the forceps to turn her in an attempt to get her out. And upon first glance there was no doubt from anyone in that room, she was the spitting image of her mother.

I can't wait for you to meet her.