Gifts, Fears and Team Work

June 9

I bought daddy a present. I can't say what it is just yet for fear he may read this and find out, but it's special. I think he deserves something special. He's been working really hard to make a better life for us when you get here. It's not easy being pregnant, everyone knows that but it's not easy being the daddy to be either. There are a lot of stresses to deal with and a lot of unknowns. I think that if he could feel you kicking inside the way I do it would ease all the worries like it does for me. But that's just not the way it works.

Besides, all the work, stress and fears will all be worth it when we get to hold you in our arms. I'm pretty sure your daddy will cry. He's a big softy that way. I catch him crying at the mooshy parts of movies all the time. I've never said it before but it's one of the little things that I adore about him. I can't wait to see him as a father. I couldn't have picked a better man to play the part.

Some times I'm afraid that you'll be closer to your father then me. It's been a fear that I've always had. He's so loving and playful, silly and eager to make everyone happy. He'll be the one to help you break the rules and sneak you junk food when I'm not looking. And I'm going to be the enforcer of rules, who fights your battles, heals your wounds, nourishes you, and cuddles you to sleep on a stormy night.

Together your father and I will make the greatest team. You may be an adult before you are able to see it that way, but we'll always do what ever we can to give you the best possible life. I promise you that.

Did I Say That Out Loud?

One cold winters night after one of our many long conversations I fell asleep beside your father. While drifting off into a deep slumber I mumbled the words "I love you." Oh crap, oh crap, oh crap! My own words had startled me awake and I cringed at the thought that he may have heard them. Hoping he had also drifted to sleep and not heard my confession I waited, barely breathing, in silence pretending to still be asleep. Much to my embarrassment I realized he was awake as he shifted his weight back and forth in his spot. Too afraid to move I eventually drifted off to sleep again. But he later told me that that was when he realized he loved me too. From that day forth we were inseparable. He was always so good to me back then. He would pick me up from work and have a warm plate of food waiting for me on my seat. He would wash my laundry for me although when he mixed my whites with the darks and discoloured my favourite shirts, I'd have a mild seizure. I came home from work one day and he had repainted my entire apartment for me. I adored him completely.

I've been in love once before I met your father but never have I ever loved someone so completely that I could change all the negative things about me in order to be a better person for him. Don't kid yourself though. Change is brutally tedious and I'm certain I aged 2 years just from the stress of trying. I had to learn how to say things like "you might be right", " I don't know", and "please". I may have also given myself an ulcer trying to smile and be tolerable in the mornings. I've never been much of a morning person, but I love your father that much.

In The Most Unlikely Place

The Story of you started long before you even existed. I'm fairly certain that it will continue long after your father and I have passed and we are just soft whispers of inspiration in your ear. So I think it obvious that I couldn't possibly start from the very beginning as there just isn't enough time in a day. But your story should be told just the same. So I think it best to start some where in the middle with how your father and I met.

Your father and I were introduced to one another by our dear friend Lisa Linton. He was 21. I was 28. However at the time neither of us were interested in being introduced to one another. You see there was just too much of an age difference between us. What was the point in meeting when nothing would come of it in the end? But Lisa saw something that your father and I did not, so she persisted.

Eventually I became part of Lisa's band of merry friends, your father of whom was one of them. So naturally he and I became acquainted with each other over a period of months. I wouldn't say we were friends though. He and I would have small talk here and there but mostly we liked to pick on each other. I loved to watch him though. I thought he was beautiful to look at. I even found myself missing his presence when we were all out together and he was absent.

One night while we were all out at an Irish pub watching a cover band, he invited me to join him on a fancy red couch he had been occupying by himself. I sat next to him for the remainder of the evening while we analyzed the couples surrounding us. We would make up stories of how they had met, what they did for a living, and if they would stay together or break up in a fit of jealousy. Shortly after that evening he started to come by to visit me from time to time. We would sit in the living room of my 3rd story apartment and talk all night while sipping on red wine and listening to music. It was almost instant how we became the best of friends.