Belly Blues

Apr. 22, 2009

My tummy is big. Seriously. I've been wearing baggy cloths to cover it but it's not really working any more. I swear my friends Cristina and Heather at work laugh at me behind my back saying... ah... does she really think she's fooling anyone?

I swear my mother knows. She stares at me when she thinks I'm not looking and she watches what I eat. One day I was eating a jalapeno popper and she tells me

"Hun, those are hot"
"yes mother I know that."
"but they're hot. like really hot"
"I know. I've eaten them before"

Then she looks at me with that look of - You should listen to me cuz I know what I'm talking about So I say " are you referring to the fact that you think it will give me heart burn mom? cuz I'll be fine"Then she gives me the look of - Oooops! Did i make that obvious?

My rear end is expanding, my back fat has doubled, I have cellulite, pimples on my chest!, and I found a grey HAIR! Not to mention that I ache, my back hurts and my muscles hurt. It's like i played a serious game of foot ball the night before and I'm just smoothing out the kinks. And then it goes away!

Coffee tastes like cigarette ashes, I'm SO tired (but getting better), it's hard to breath - mostly at night. My face is getting fat! God is punishing me with that one. I made fun of Alicia when she told me that her face was fat. I just couldn't see it but, much to my dismay now I understand what she meant. I LOOK DIFFERENT!

I've been wearing Maternity clothing for 2 weeks now cuz I can't fit into my pants and I'm not even 3 months yet. I feel so silly. I'm starting to wonder what the point of shaving is any more. If I shave at 8:30 by 11:15 it's right back to normal. So really what's the point. So what if I'm a hairy plump little Sasquatch. I'm pregnant! I think that gives me certain allowances to be unattractive to major public.

I can't stop eating! I eat constantly. Kevin can't understand where all the food keeps going, and Heather watches me in the lunch room with mild amusement as I horf down my two sandwiches, yogurt, oatmeal, and apple. Sometimes I feel like a bit of a freak show. A hairy, round, famished freak show.

Yesterday when Kevin came home from work I lifted my top and bumped his belly with my belly. He looked down and said with concerned excitement... "WHAT IS THAT!? there is no way ONE baby is in there! What is that!?"

I think I will feel better when I've told people. Then I won't care so much that I have a giant protruderance growing out from where my once tiny waist was. But I still don't really want to tell anyone. I tried to tell my friend Lisa last week but every time I tried I got SO nervous that I fumbled with my words! So i decided I wasn't ready yet. BUT good news! I've already passed the point of where I was with my last one. WOO HOO! I miscarried at 11 weeks and 3 days. I'm now 12 weeks and 4 days. So keep your fingers crossed for me!


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