Never Would Be Better

May. 1

Your daddy is leaving me! I hate when he leaves me! He and a few guys are taking a road trip down to Myrtle Beach for a week of golf. I'll be alone. ALL ALONE! I always feel so wounded when he leaves me behind. The dog and I sulk for a few days because the house is so quiet and then we eventually get used to being alone and actually start to enjoy our selves. But of course as soon as that happens he comes back! Mostly I'm just scared that something may happen when he's gone and I'll have no one to comfort me.

You see I told your daddy that this time around I was confident that you will stay. I feel that way because this time rather then being filled with the bliss and joy of knowing I am with child, I am full of fear and anticipation. What if I'm not good enough to be your mom? What if you don't like me? What if i can't answer all of the many questions you are going to ask me? What if you hate me for punishing you when you are bad so that you grow up to be a caring, responsible adult? What if you never understand that I was always looking out for your best interests? What if I can't protect you from all the bad out there? There are just too many what ifs? The reality of it is terrifying.

But despite the fact that I think you are here to stay... you may have different plans. And it would be just my luck that you decide to part ways with me while daddy's on vacation! So munchkin... if you don't mind doing mommy a little favour? I would really appreciate it if you're deciding to jump ship to hold off for a week or so or never. Never would be better.


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