No Sleep, No Time

It's been a while since I've had a chance to write to you. I shouldn't even be doing this now. I really should be sleeping. I've been sick for the past couple of days and should be getting my rest while you sleep but I have so much to say to you and I need to write it down before it's too late and one day you'll be 38 and I'll be wishing I took the time to tell you just how much I adore you.

You are now 9 weeks and 3 days old. You are the most amazing human being I've ever encountered and you never cease to bring me more amazement every day. You've learned how to smile. It started slowly about 3 weeks before Christmas. It almost seemed like it happened by accident. I'm not sure you even knew what you were doing. I was talking to you, as I do every day, and suddenly your lips curled up on either end and your mouth opened wide into a grin. "Did you just smile at me?!" I asked you. And just as quickly as it came it was gone and you had your serious face on again. You're serious face is what you have on most of the time. It's what you look like when you are absorbing as much information as you can.

One day you woke up while sitting in your vibrating chair. I walked up to you, bent over to get closer to your face so you could see me better and asked you if you had a good sleep. Your whole face light up into a grin. Daddy and I spent the next 10 minutes talking to you while you laughed and tossed your arms around. You don't really have much control over them yet. I can honestly say that your smile is the most amazing thing we have ever seen. You daddy tells me often that he lives just to see that smile every day.

I've heard a million mothers tell me that the love you have for your children is like no love you will ever know or ever have for anyone else. I thought I understood what they meant. I didn't even come close to understanding until now. There are millions of people in this world and out of every one of them YOU are by far my favourite. Do you have any idea how huge that is?

You have this wonderful head of hair. I absolutely adore it. It's been my favourite thing since you came home. Every day I run my fingers through it. I used to rub it while you fed and now I rub it while I am putting you to sleep in your crib. As I slowly run my large fingers across your tiny little head I picture myself through out the coming years at different stages of your life where I'm still running my fingers through your hair. It sounds cheesy I know, but one day you'll be bigger, independent and strong. You won't want me touching you in a mothering way. Little boys grow up and they don't want their mother treating them like they're still babies, so every time I touch you I pray that I remember that moment, that time won't erase it, because you are changing so fast and I don't want to know a day when I can't run my fingers through your hair and kiss your forehead. So if you are reading this and you're not bald... you might want to make my day and let me play with your hair and kiss your forehead. Especially if you've been misbehaving... I might let it slide.