11 Weeks

It's 4:46 in the morning and I've just put you back to sleep. You're so perfect and sweet. I love staring down at you with your lips all curled into a pout while you periodically smile in your sleep. I often try to imagine what it is you could be dreaming about. I mean really? What could you possibly be dreaming about? Milk?

I have SO much i want to write down about you. So many things that I am terrified I will one day forget. Like how you are trying so hard to talk to me. You stick you little head in the air and stretch out your neck as far as you can so you look like a little turtle coming out of his shell and you purse your lips together and make the funniest little noises, but you're not just making noises for the sake of noises, you're really trying to tell me something. Your eyes will get big and wide and your eyebrows jump up and down to change your expression and if your telling me a happy story your lips will curl up at the ends into a silly little smile, but if it's a sad story your coos have a sad sound to them and your mouth turns down at the corners. So I pick you up to cuddle you because you seem to be trying to tell me that you're unhappy. And you lay your head on my shoulder while you continue your sad story and I pat your back and whisper softly that everything will be ok, and that I will always be here for you no matter what. And your sad cooing trails off and you drift off to sleep.

I think you might be allergic to nuts. Which really depresses me. Nuts are awesome! Especially peanut butter. If you can't have peanut butter and jelly sandwiches or peanut butter cookies I will be so sad for you. Seems strange that I would know at 11 weeks of age if you have a food allergy but trust me there isn't much about you that I can't pick up on. I mean I spend every waking hour with you... sometimes every none waking hour. I had to stop feeding you at about 4 weeks of age, from my one breast because it was letting out milk WAY too fast and your poor little mouth couldn't keep up with it. You would gage and choke, milk would run down your face and I'd wonder why you were such a sloppy little eater. But soon enough you started crying and screaming for days. It occurred to me then that if I was drinking as fast as you were to keep up with the milk coming out that I would likely need to burp pretty badly after wards. But you're so new that you don't know how to get rid of the gas in your body so it would sit there and cause you a pretty bad tummy ache. So I started pumping out that breast and only feeding you from the right one. Of course the right breast became huge and the other stayed small so I looked pretty ridiculous but you were happier. I also stopped eating a bunch of foods that could cause you gas or discomfort.

I can't eat or drink milk products, I can't eat nuts or soy products, no spicy foods, no green vegetables, coffee, chocolate or citrus fruits. Basically all i eat is chicken, pears, bananas, bread and rice. Yum! Any ways, back to the nut allergy. I slowly started adding foods back into my diet to see if you could tolerate them at around 2 months. First I added nuts. Around that time you developed a really nasty rash on your face and were not sleeping well not to mention very irritable. I took you to the Dr. to find out what it was and he said it was just severely dry skin and to continue using the Shea butter that I had made for you and it should go away. I mentioned my theory about the nuts but he said it wasn't likely the cause of your rash. But I stopped eating them just in case. Sure enough the rash went away and your mood improved. So I thought... well he's the Dr. it must have been dry skin.

About a week ago I started eating nuts again, and your rash has returned and once again you've become irritable and unable to rest. It could be just coincidence but I have a very strong feeling that you are having an allergic reaction to the nuts. So I've cut them out of my diet once again. Keep your fingers crossed that I'm wrong. I'd hate for you to have any allergies. Especially to food. I want you to be able to do what ever you want, when ever you want without having to worry about getting sick because of it. My poor little mushroom. Oh... ya, i call you mushroom. It really seems to suit you.


Edie Mindell said...

Awwwww!!! Calling your little angel mushroom is so sweet! Reading your post somehow melt my heart because of your overflowing pride in being a mom to your adorable mushroom. I just hope the allergy fades away in time.

Kim said...

Thank you Edie! I hope it fades with time as well! I spoke with a lactation consultant who told me to continue trying to introduce nuts back into my diet so he can build up a tolerance to it. So here's hoping that it works! He has to be able to eat peanut butter cookies! What is life with out peanut butter cookies?!

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