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Attack of the Butterflies


I just found out that I'm pregnant, I'm trapped at the mall against my will and I can barely breath let alone concentrate on walking. But your father said he'd be there in 20 minutes. Yet unbeknownst to him I've got a heavy bomb to drop in his general direction. Somehow I managed to hold myself together until your father arrived. He could not have gotten me out of there fast enough. I didn't want to be any where other then the comfort of our home. How should I tell Kevin?, was all I could think of. Should I do something cute like put a pair of baby shoes beside his in the closet? or should I just blurt it out? Would he be happy or would this stress him out? I had no idea.

As we walked toward the van together your father started to tell me how he felt like he was going through some sort of mid life crisis. He told me that he wasn't happy with his career and wanted to reapply to the police force again. Shoot!, I thought, not a good time to tell him the news. If he was thinking about a different job that meant he was thinking about money and I was not going to tell him about your existence anywhere near the topic of money. Men always worry about money when they find out they are going to be a father. It must be ingrained somewhere in their DNA.

Once we got into the house I followed your father into every room that he entered. I kept asking him stupid questions like "What are you doing?" When I could clearly see that he was changing from his work clothes into comfy clothing. I was dieing to tell him. The butterflies in my stomach were rushing about making me feel nauseous and my heart was about to pound through my chest and attack him as he walked past me to sit on the couch. I followed him and sat beside him on the opposite side and anxiously stared at him. He hardly noticed.

He was about to get comfortable and take a bite out of his sandwich when I suddenly cut the tension and said
- "SO! I have something I need to tell you!"
He stopped what he was doing mid bite.
- "you do?"
- "I... might be pregnant" I responded nervously.
- "Really?" He said
- "I'm 7 dates late"
- "You are?"
- "Yes but I only realised it today!" I explained. "The girls thought I should take a test"
-"They do?"
- "Yes, So I did"
- "You did? What did it say?"
- "I'm pregnant"
Suddenly at that exact moment a swarm of emotion came rushing out of my eyes in the form of tears and streaked my face with warmth.
- "You are? How do you feel about that?"
He asked me casually. He seemed so calm and I was slowly becoming a puddle on the couch.
- "I don't know!"
I said honestly. "I'm really worried about how you would feel."
- "You are? Hon I knew this was going to happen eventually. I'm not worried"
- "You did!? I didn't! I wasn't sure it was ever going to happen. I almost thought it couldn't happen"
Part of me had always worried that I would never be able to have children. "I thought you would be stressed out"
- "I'm not stressed out, I'm fine"
He responded again so calmly. And suddenly I realized I was so concerned with how he would react and feel about your existence that I hadn't been allowing myself to feel. With that sudden realization a warm calm feeling surrounded me and I realized I was hungry. So I got up from my spot on the couch, wiped my tears away and walked toward the kitchen. Just as I exited the hallway an instant rush of energy hit me and I ran back into the living room towards your father and while jumping up into the air shouted "WE'RE HAVING A BABY!"
He laughed and responded "There's the excitement I was waiting for".

2 comments:

Future Mama said...

Wow!! That is probably the sweetest thing I have read! I'm really enjoying reading about your journey, and I'm sooo jealous too! Congrats! Can't wait to read more!

Kiki said...

Thanks! I'm glad you are enjoying it because I have A LOT more to come!

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