The Pretty Pink Bottle

While making the bed the next morning I laughingly asked your father if he recalled telling me he was ready to have children. To my amazement he said of course he remembered and that he had meant every word of it. I stood there speechless with a down filled pillow in one hand and the cat in the other. I was completely floored. I was so excited that I had to call Lisa and tell her the fantastic news! Of course she didn't believe it either.

A few days later I skipped off to the pharmacy and bought myself some prenatal vitamins. You are supposed to take them if you are planning to have a child to help prevent birth defects. I brought my vitamins home and proudly displayed them on the kitchen counter when your father came home from work. He took one look at the pretty pink bottle with a picture of a woman holding a small child in the air while they laughed with glee at one another, and a look of panic fell over his face. I watched him carefully anticipating what he was about to say. " What, what are those for?" He said as he pointed to my pretty pink bottle resting on the brown counter top. So naturally I told him. "They are vitamins for women who are planning on having children." The colour drained from his face and then I knew what was coming next."Well we aren't having kids for a while though, are we?" The frustration mixed with disappointment, tinged with confusion came out in my next sentence. " I don't KNOW Kevin! Are we?!" "Well don't' you want to wait until we are married?"Earth shattering anger began to over take my body. " WELL WHEN THE HELL IS THAT GOING TO HAPPEN!?" No response. I calmly walked into the bedroom, closed the door, collapsed in defeat onto the bed and sobbed to myself until my eyes hurt. Your father came in and laid beside me while rubbing my back but there was just no comfort for me at that point. My dreams seemed so far away, so unreachable. I realised then that everything that I wanted so badly I had to wait for someone else to be ready to give them to me. And that reality was too much to bear.


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