Heartbeat!

May. 7

Dear GOD child! Do you have to scare me near the edge of my sanity!? I started cramping early yesterday morning. I woke up with a throbbing discomfort in your general vicinity. So i took a deep breath, closed my eyes, and force myself back to sleep, but not before promising myself that if the cramps were still there in the morning I wouldn't leave the safety of my bed.

Six o'clock a.m. crept up on me the next morning. The first thing I noticed was that the sky was still a hazy blue gray colour and then I noticed the cramps. I rolled over to my right, reached for the Barbie doll pink cell phone that your father bought me, much to my guffaw, for Christmas and called in sick to work. I stayed in bed all day.

You father called shortly after 10:00 a.m. in a panic because someone at my office had told him that I had stayed home sick. Before that he hadn't called me at all. That day he called me 5 times to see if we were ok.

Night came and I slept with my hands over top of you. I'm not sure why really, it just seemed natural for me to hold you. I awoke some many hours later to a light thudding under my hand. I knew instantly that you were doing your best to tell me you were still there. It must have taken some major effort on your part too because you are only the size of a lemon and yet somehow mustered up enough strength to bounce under my hand hard enough to wake me up. That should have put my mind at ease but the next morning I was still cramping so I called the midwife to ask for advice. She told me to come in and we could listen to hear for your heart beat to put my mind at ease. I jumped out of bed, ripped off my PJs, thew on a pair of pants and a cute green top, whipped my hair back into a pony tail, brushed my teeth so not to knock anyone out, and called a cab. I could have taken the van but I was so frazzled and rarely drove as it is so I opted to not endanger any lives including my own.

As soon as I sat on the edge of Genvieve's bed I realised how certain I was that you were fine. But my head kept interfering with what my gut was telling me. My head was still worried. My head remember how I cramped the last time just before I miscarried. So I laid down and lifted my top to let Genevieve find you with the microphone. Just as she was starting to tell me not to panic if she didn't find your heart beat right away there it was... music to my ears. Your heart was beating so fast, so clear and so strong. 158 beats per minute. "Oh thank God" I said as I exhaled loudly.

I bounced out of the office and onto a bus and skipped all the way home counting tulips in the neighbours gardens. I could not possibly have been happier. I text messaged your daddy one word that spoke a thousand, "HEARTBEAT!"

I decided to enjoy the rest of my day and hung out in the garden with Dakota and Mika. We lounged in the sun, drank fresh squeezed lemonade, listened to happy music, and ate breakfast sausage and egg sandwiches. MMMmmmm! What a great day!